


the local inaba gays

by piepanda



Category: Persona 3, Persona 4, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: And coming back because he has attachment issues, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bigender Flux Persona 4 Protagonist, Chatlogs, Developing Relationship, F/F, Female Persona 3 Protagonist and Male Persona 3 Protagonist are Twins, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Shirogane Naoto, Not Beta Read, P4 chatfic, Persona 4 is the focus here, There will be Plot, They're dead but appear because plot, Yu is constantly leaving, Yu types formally until he doesn't, ai is yu's best friend, and obviously no koromaru, but p3 and p5 are intertwined, but shitposting is the focus, give her some love :(, imma project on mr grey, junpei - Freeform, look if i cant get rep, minako x everyone else, or ken, other than the yosk, polysees doesn't include minato, referenced akechi goro/persona 5 protagonist, starts at yukiko's castle, takes place throughout canon, why was there no platonic tag for them?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29769555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piepanda/pseuds/piepanda
Summary: Yu is on his cursed bullshit, and drags the IT along with it, and somehow gets a boyfriend along the way.
Relationships: Amagi Yukiko/Satonaka Chie, Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji, Kujikawa Rise/Shirogane Naoto/Tatsumi Kanji, Narukami Yu & Ebihara Ai, PolySEES(referenced)
Comments: 44
Kudos: 59





	1. stick thy hand in the tv

**Author's Note:**

> there are like 3 p4 chatfics and i feel a strong need to fix that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yu does not know how to leave and stay gone, Chie and Yosuke drink holy water.

**YUKIKO IS MISSING AHHHHHH**

**> April 16th, 2011, 5:07 P.M**

**Chie: i hate the name of this chat so fucking much.**

**Chie: instead of joking about it, CAN WE JUST GO SAVE HER DAMMIT**

**Yosuke: chie calm tf down**

**Yosuke: we made it to the top today and we're getting her out on the 19th**

**Yu: Yeah Chie, don't get your tiddies in a topknot :3**

**Chie: wha**

**Yosuke: partner thats not how the-**

**Yosuke: wtf bro**

**Chie: YU NARUKAMI I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IF YOU PULL THAT SHIT**

**Yosuke: i didnt think you were capable of saying the word tiddies**

**Yu: You'd be suprised. I've seen things you cannot comprehend.**

**Yosuke: are u ok?**

**Yu: No.**

**Yu: I'm going to go visit weird dream people and buy us heavy weaponry.**

**Yu: Bye~**

**Yosuke: ok so that was cursed.**

**Chie: Yosuke i just want to save yukiko what the fuck**

**Chie: tiddies in a topknot?**

**Chie: more like I'm ripping his fucking dick off**

**Chie: what if he pulls that on yukiko?**

**Yosuke: he doesnt like u or yukiko like that**

**Yosuke: calm the beast chie**

**Chie: YOU CALLING ME A BEAST YOSUKE**

**Yosuke: NO MAAM**

**Chie: thats what i thought :)**

**Chie: back to the topic at hand**

**Chie: how do you know narukami won't come after yukiko? -_-**

**Yosuke: 1. i asked**

**Yosuke: 2. he thinks you two are dating**

**Chie: .**

**Chie: aaaaHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?**

**Chie: why woudl yukiko go out with me**

**Chie: shes like so pretty and smart and like the perfect woman?**

**Chie: im screaming**

**Yu: I came here to say no you aren't**

**Yu: Bye again :)**

**Chie: im screaming on the inside dammit.**

**Chie: and get your ass back here narukami >:(**

**Yosuke: u guys hanging out?**

**Chie: no he went to daidara's and saw me screaming into the v o i d**

**Yu: I've been to the void, it looks more like a limo and you weren't screaming into it.**

**Yosuke: why have you been to the void?**

**Chie: why is it shaped like a limo?**

**Yu: ...**

**Yosuke: well?**

**Yu: Woah would you look at that, I need to go water my cousin!**

**Yosuke: bullshit**

**Yu: Bye!!**

**Chie: how would you even water a seven year old**

**Yosuke: why is the question here chie**

**Yosuke: why????**

**Chie: ok i'm going to go do my hw before king moron says i slept with a boy or smth**

**Chie: i dont even lean that way but he'll say it**

**Chie: so by**

**Chie: wait**

**Chie: fuck um unread that?**

**Yosuke: too late.**

**Yosuke: ur good, you're fairly obvious anyway**

**Chie: oh thx**

**Chie: but don't tell her pls**

**Yosuke: i wont**

**Yosuke: i swear on my headphones**

**Chie: :)**

**Yosuke: :)**

**Yu: :3**

**Chie: FUCKING GO WATER YOU COUSIN**

**Yosuke: i think i've seen hell**

**Yosuke: looks a lot like this chat**

**Yu: Sorry I couldn't resist.**

**Yu: Congrats on coming out Chie!!**

**Yu: Btw, I'm pretty sure Amagi-san like you back. :)**

**Yu: I'm going to go fold envelopes for some funds.**

**Yosuke: if u say bye again im revoking our partnership**

**Yu: :(**

**Yu: Please don't. You can't I'm too sexy.**

**Chie: i didnt know yosuke knew how to spell revoke**

**Yosuke: 1. fine i wont, but only because you said pls**

**Yosuke: 2. fuck you chie**

**Yosuke: 3. yu dont respond to 2. no cursed bs**

**Yu: :D**

**Yu: :(**

**Chie: ok lets go to bed and let you fold in silence**

**Yosuke: sounds good to me :)**

**Yu: This Is Bullying.**

**Yu: :(**

<Chat Thread Closed, 6:02>

**YUKIKO IS MISSING AHHHHHH**

> April 17th, 2011, 2:43 AM

**Yu: isdhi fucking cant anymoreeeeeeeegjhdgh**

**Yu: stop fucking texting me minako its literzflly 3 am go bother minato**

**Yosuke: partner???**

**Chie: ummmmmm?**

**Yu: shit wrong ch at gjkd**

**Yosuke: its almost 3 am stop shit talking your friend**

**Yosuke: go to sleep**

**Chie: am i the only one mildly concerned?????**

**Yosuke: i am too, but like im fucking tired chie**

**Yu: you are dead how yuo texting me in teh first place??**

**Yu: your a door**

**Yu: wtff**

**Yu: fuckg gjg you! yuor lucky i missed you >:(**

**Yosuke: i think he passed out**

**Chie: ???**

**Chie: why was he angry texting his friend at 3 am?**

**Chie: and why are they dead??**

**Yosuke: y are they a door?**

**Yosuke: idk, ill ask him tmrw**

**Chie: kk, night**

**Yosuke: nite**

<Chat Thread Closed, 3:05 AM>

**YUKIKO IS MISSING AHHHHHH**

>April 17th, 2011, 7:55 AM

**Yu: Sorry for the spam last night.**

**Yu: Was texting an old friend and began to black out.**

**Yu: I'm not answering the door or dead thing.**

**Yu: It's an inside joke :)**

**Yosuke: mildy threatened rn**

**Chie: heavily concerned rn**

**Yu: Don't worry I'm fine :D**

**Yosuke: doubt**

**Chie: doubt**

**Yu: Traitors**

**Yu: Anyway let's go get Yukiko today. I'm bored >:(**

**Chie: ah yes**

**Chie: the only reason youre saving my best friend**

**Chie: is because your bored**

**Chie: asshole**

**Yosuke: chie just go with it. he changes his mind every ten seconds.**

**Chie: for yukiko!!**

**Yu: Yeah!! For Amagi-san!!**

**Yosuke: for yukiko ig!!**

<Chat Thread Closed, 8:25 AM>

**'YUKIKO IS MISSING AHHHHHH' has been renamed to 'cabbage young adult male'**

**Chie added Yukiko Amagi**

>April 19th, 2011, 9:08 AM

**Chie: just realized we didnt add yukiko**

**Chie: so i fixed it :D**

**Chie: shes still recovering from her shadow and is at the inn.**

**Chie: im just so glad shes back guys :))**

**Yosuke: we all are chie!**

**Yosuke: are you gonna ask her out¿??¿?**

**Chie: YOSUKE I JUST ADDED HER EHSTCCJ C**

**Yu: Calm down, she's probably sleeping right now.**

**Yu: If we spam the chat enough she'll never find out.**

**Yukiko: Too late :D**

**Yukiko: Chie why don't you come over ;)**

**Yukiko: After all, you ARE my prince right?**

**Chie: omw**

**Chie: bye idiots and yukiko**

**Yu: Whipped**

**Yosuke: i think theyre gonna fuck partner**

**Yu: Shushh Yosuke**

**Yu: And god said let them be gay.**

**Yosuke: isnt god homophobic or smth**

**Yu: yosuke hanamura how dare you imply hatsune miku is homophobic**

**Yu: she is a goddess and we dont tolerate miku slander in this humble chat.**

**Yosuke: the speed at which your texting style switched scared me**

**Yosuke: im shaking**

**Yosuke: yukiko pls come out of hiding**

**Yukiko: Nice to meet you Narukami-kun!!**

**Yukiko: It's nice to see you as well Yosuke-kun!**

**Yukiko: Thank you for saving me from the tv**

**Yu: No problem Amagi-san! We'll do proper introductions at school!**

**Yosuke: ^^**

**Yukiko: Ok, I'm going to talk to Chie, see you all later!**

**Yu: Bye Amagi-san!!  
**

**Yosuke: see ya!!**


	2. yukiko what the fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The local lesbians are attacked and proceed to plan their vengeance. Yu and Ai are very close friends already. A little too close for people who just met two weeks ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said there would be plot :)

**cabbage young adult male**

>April 24th, 2011, 6:00 AM

**Yu: I'm bored can we mess with chat names.**

**Yosuke: why r u up so early**

**Yosuke: school doesnt start til like 8**

**Chie: yu i want steak now**

**Chie: this is your fault**

**Yukiko: babee come back to bed**

**Chie: kk**

**Yu: whipped**

**Yosuke: answer my question**

**Yu: Well Yosuke it all begins with a guy with a big ass nose and a really blue butterfly**

**Yosuke: wtf**

**Yu: (:**

**Yosuke: im shaking in fear**

**Yosuke: ya know what**

**Yosuke: go nuts with the chat names**

**Yosuke: i cant im going back to sleep**

**Yu: >:)**

**Yu has been changed to vocaloidfreak**

**Yosuke has been changed to Partner!!**

**Chie has been changed to fsteak**

**Yukiko has been changed to scoring with fsteak**

<Chat Thread Closed 6:15 AM>

**Chat name changed to "yu narukami is a little bitch"**

> April 24th, 2011, 5:08 PM

**vocaloidfreak: Aww, thanks guys I know I am :3c**

**fsteak: I Am This Close To Killing You.**

**vocaloidfreak: You mean Yu?**

**fsteak: DfffshngjAAHHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA**

**Partner!!: partner what the hell**

**Partner!!: why anger the chie**

**Partner!!: why poke the bear**

**fsteak: YOU CALLING ME A BEAR HANAMURA?!**

**Partner!!: no i would never**

**Partner!!: please dont castrate me**

**scoring with fsteak: HJKffgjkpdfgdffghfjdghfgfj**

**scoring with fsteak: fjgdhjFDRFTGKYJHfgdsfj**

**vocaloidfreak: Should I be concerned?**

**fsteak: Look what you two have done.**

**fsteak: you fucking killed my gf**

**Partner!!: with fun!!**

**Partner!!: *whispers* yukiko pls come back 2 life so chie doesnt kill us**

**scoring with fsteak: hfhgd Ok, I'm fine**

**scoring with fsteak: Calm down Chie!**

**scoring with fsteak: Also Narukami, I will see to my revenge for you bringing up the scoring thing. :)**

**vocaloidfreak: I've seen my best friends shoot themselves in the head with a fake gun**

**vocaloidfreak: You can't fucking touch me. :)**

**Partner!!: wha**

**Partner!!: why did they**

**Partner!!: are you ok??????**

**vocaloidfreak: :)**

**fsteak: wow um ok that got dark**

**scoring with fsteak: don't underestimate the power chie and i hold >:)**

**scoring with fsteak: regardless of your awful mental health**

**fsteak: you actually got yukiko to shut off her grammar wtf yu**

**Partner!!: pls don't provoke the lesbians partner**

**vocaloidfreak: I'll live. I'm too sexy to die.**

**fsteak: ew straight**

**vocaloidfreak: dont fucking insult me like that chie**

**vocaloidfreak: implying im straight**

**vocaloidfreak: idk what i am, but ik it isnt straight so stfu**

**vocaloidfreak: hell i dont even feel like a guy all the time**

**vocaloidfreak: "ew straight~" my name is chie and im so whipped for my gf i ran in the classroom screaming YUKIKO IS MISSING AHHHH in a green jacket**

**vocaloidfreak: you guys look like the human version of red light green light god**

**vocaloidfreak: ugh i need to cleanse my soul**

**vocaloidfreak: gonna go hang out with ai :p**

**vocaloidfreak: peace**

**Partner!!: ..............**

**Partner!!: um**

**Partner!!: i am heavily concerned??????????**

**Partner!!: chie? its been like 3 minutes**

**scoring with fsteak: She said she doesn't know if she wants to hug Narukami or kill him**

**scoring with fsteak: I say both!!**

**fsteak: kill him with kindness and kung fu?**

**scoring with fsteak: Sounds good to me!**

**Partner!!: bro hes with ebihara rn**

**Partner!!: leave em alone**

**Partner!!: prolly smooching or smth, he told me he's either pan or bi**

**scoring with fsteak: I didn't peg him as the type to go out with someone like Ebihara-san though?**

**scoring with fsteak: He seems more like he isn't into anyone as of right now.**

**fsteak: Ebihara aint easy either so i doubt that.**

**Partner!!: how do u know that chie?**

**Partner!!: every1 says shes snooty and looking for a sugar daddy or smth**

**fsteak: fuck it we're killing yosuke now**

**fsteak: i don't like ebihara very much, but i can tell the rumors drive her nuts**

**fsteak: a guy asked her out and she looked physically repulsed**

**scoring with fsteak: I think she's just picky and a victim of rumors**

**vocaloidfreak: I have returned**

**vocaloidfreak: For what?**

**vocaloidfreak: We Do Not Slander Ai Ebihara In This Chat**

**vocaloidfreak: She's actually really chill and idk why Yasogami hates on her**

**vocaloidfreak: She helped me go skirt shopping :)**

**scoring with fsteak: You wear skirts?**

**fsteak: we literally just said that**

**Partner!!: bro thats gay tho**

**Partner!!: u didn't say no homo to ebihara**

**vocaloidfreak: I didn't need to.**

**vocaloidfreak: She knows where my interests lie :)**

**Partner!!: im scared**

**vocaloidfreak: No you aren't**

**vocaloidfreak: I need to talk to someone so I'm closing the thread now.**

**fsteak: see ya**

**scoring with fsteak: Bye!**

**Partner!!: ttyl**

<Chat Thread Closed 6:21 PM>

**The Fools 2: Electric Boogaloo**

>April 24th, 2011, 6:30 PM

**Mina-Ko!!!: We still haven't planned how we're going to prevent the onslaught of demiurges this time.**

**Mina-Ko!!: Minato and I split the seal, so we're still here this time around**

**Mina-To!!: did we really need the recap?**

**Satan: i mean, if we are recapping, im 11 rn**

**Spoon: i'm on my original journey right now. nothing extremely notable, other than one thing**

**Spoon: one of my social links remembers that this is timeline number 2**

**Spoon: I have no clue how ai remembers, but she said to make this worth her time.**

**Spoon: A small comfort nonetheless**

**Mina-ko!!: I think that's a twist to each journey here.**

**Satan: ?**

**Mina-Ko!!: IDK about Minato, but Saori remembered me.**

**Mina-to!!: chihiro. i let her know to help the silver haired boy from yasogami.**

**Spoon: so a non persona user social link WILL know this is our try two**

**Satan: I don't start my journey til 2016, but we need to try and keep an eye on the velvet room at all times.**

**Satan: I have so many regrets from run 1, and if you guys could learn to split the seal, I can save him from yaldy's game**

**Spoon: i'm going to try and prevent moron's death. i couldn't do anything about Saki and Yamano, other than give Saki vague warnings about Adachi.**

**Spoon: if i can save him, i think you can save loverboy. i mean, im pretty sure pharos is somehow alive**

**Mina-Ko!!: Ryoji is alive, but he has a non corporeal from. SEES still thinks Minato and I are dead.**

**Mina-to!!: still not sure if taking philemons deal was a good move**

**Mina-to!!: what if he was sealed for a reason...**

**Spoon: the only time i've seen him in this round, was in his butterfly form. Marie saw and looked like she had a vague sense of deja vu when she saw me**

**Satan: Explain Marie again?**

**Spoon: Marie is Kusumi-no-Okami, goddess of the fog, and a part that Izanami separated from herself.**

**Mina-to!!: if she does figure you out, don't let her blow your cover mid journey**

**Satan: Even better, don't let her find out!! None of the demiurges can get suspicious of us.**

**Mina-Ko!!: Well I think we all had links with the demiurges, so that advice goes to everyone really.**

**Mina-to!!: i cant believe i **unironically** miss junpei rn**

**Spoon: oh god i remember him, p pathetic**

**Satan: Sad man.**

**Mina-Ko!!: He was da man!!**

**Satan: Ugh I hate this town sm**

**Satan: Everyone Actually Sucks Major Ass**

**Mina-to!!: it sucked having to watch our parents burn to death again**

**Mina-Ko!!: Ugh, please don't remind me.**

**Spoon: i had to talk to my parents after years of blissful no contact.**

**Spoon: well i can't talk to people who arent home ig**

**Spoon: i hate the fact my moms texting as well, like she wants a relationship, after ditching being a mom for 17 years**

**Satan: My dads still a useless deadbeat drunk and my mom is barely home, can't wait to go no contact when i get arrested tbh**

**Mina-Ko!!: Well, we have money from our run through, we bought an apartment, so we could live there when Minato and I get our corporeal forms back.**

**Spoon: hows it still in your names?**

**Mina-to!!: wildcard bs**

**Spoon: ah**

**Satan: I gtg guys, lets do our next recap when Yu makes some headway with the fog.**

**Mina-Ko!!: Alright! See everyone later :D**

**Mina-to!!: see ya**

**Spoon: :)**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:20>

**Partner :)**

> April 25th, 2011, 7:30 AM

**Yu: I just pulled all of my neck muscles and therefore am skipping school with Ai today.**

**Yosuke: u ok???**

**Yu: My neck hurts like a bitch.**

**Yosuke: ok, but isn't today early midterm reviews?**

**Yu: I'll be fine, they're easy**

**Yosuke: u havent even seen them yet partner**

**Yosuke: u dork**

**Yu: Just trust me :D**

**Yosuke: how are you so good at everything man**

**Yosuke: perfect meat stew, perfect grades so far, hell ur even the perfect leader in the tv world!**

**Yu: I'm not perfect, trust me on that.**

**Yosuke: ?**

**Yu: Anyway, I'm gonna go buy some nicer clothes**

**Yu: 16 year old me, truly, had no taste for his life**

**Yosuke: aren't you 16 rn?**

**Yu: No, I'm 16.3 now :)**

**Yu: Ok, I got some school to skip, see ya partner :)**

**Yosuke: see ya man**

<Chat Thread Closed 7:45>

**Ai Ebihara**

> April 25th, 2011, 9:00 AM

**Yu: where you at**

**Yu: lowkey highkey lost you**

**Yu: i lost my ai and im gonna die :(**

**Ai: then perish**

**Ai: so weird being in hs again**

**Ai: ugh remember the drop crotch pants everyone in america were wearing**

**Ai: WELL NOW I HAVE TO SEE THEM AGAIN >:(**

**Yu: oh god don't remind me**

**Yu: please they were so fucking ugly**

**Yu: correction; are ugly**

**Ai: anyway im waiting for the lady to get my size from the back**

**Ai: ugh i was so sick at this age**

**Ai: thank fuck i got therapy**

**Ai: lowkey miss my meds tho**

**Yu: mood**

**Yu: i have to talk to asshole numbers 1 and 2 again**

**Ai: EW**

**Ai: sorry ur parents are gross**

**Yu: agreed**

**Yu: ugh i had the life going**

**Yu: and now im restarting it all**

**Ai: why did you reset everything anyway?**

**Yu: well i can't say everything**

**Yu: but just know im working with some people to fix our mistakes**

**Ai: ?**

**Ai: did mr repression just admit he makes mistakes?**

**Ai: im almost impressed**

**Yu: haha funny -_-**

**Ai: (;**

**Ai: oh i see you!!**

**Ai: you look like a dork**

**Ai: lets go buy you some make up**

**Yu: :D**

<Chat Thread Closed 9:07>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a protags reset time to p1 to fix mistakes and prep for their respective journeys. I've played p1, but haven't finished p2, so no p2 spoilers pls! I love Ai Ebihara. She's one of my favorite links in p4, so I decided to add that twist into the ng+ here. The plot was only set up here, but it'll be mostly shitposting for a while, so if you don't care about plot you'll be fine :)


	3. bean there, done that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> b e a n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok heres the actual summary
> 
> In which we get a closer look at Yu's behaviorial patterns

**yu narukami is a little bitch**

>April 26th, 2011, 2:08 AM

**vocaloidfreak: bean**

**vocaloidfreak: ive bean there**

**vocaloidfreak: ive done that**

**vocaloidfreak: b e a n .**

**vocaloidfreak: also youre literally satan so fuck off**

**vocaloidfreak: wrong chat, srry**

<Chat Thread Closed, 2:10 AM>

**yu narukami is a little bitch**

> April 26th, 2011, 7:05 AM

**fsteak: yu what the fuck**

**Partner!!: ^^**

**Partner!!: bean there done that?**

**Partner!!: get better puns pls**

**vocaloidfreak: Sorry, I was busy with some important business last night**

**fsteak: why is your friend satan**

**vocaloidfreak: :)**

**vocaloidfreak: I plead the fifth**

**scoring with fsteak: This is Japan.**

**vocaloidfreak: Fuck.**

**vocaloidfreak: I'm using my right to just not answer**

**Partner!!: i swear to jiraiya**

**Partner!!: answer us**

**fsteak: we just wanna know satan smh**

**vocaloidfreak: This joke won't be relevant til 2016 calm tf down**

**scoring with fsteak: Why 2016?**

**vocaloidfreak: :)**

**scoring with fsteak: chie im scared**

**Partner!!: chie i am also scared**

**fsteak: >:(**

**fsteak: i am also scared :(**

**Partner!!: imagine if he was a time traveler or smth**

**Partner!!: travelled with ebihara lol**

**vocaloidfreak: Time travel is a hoax.**

**vocaloidfreak: It's also literally impossible**

**vocaloidfreak: The logistics of it being real are incredibly low**

**vocaloidfreak: So therefore, I am not a time traveller**

**vocaloidfreak: I'm just intimidating :)**

**Partner!!: partner we didn't need a paper on why you arent a time traveller**

**fsteak: if you were a time traveller youd be waaay smarter**

**scoring with fsteak: To be frank, you're a bit of a dumbass Narukami-kun.**

**vocaloidfreak: Wow.**

**vocaloidfreak: This Is Bullying.**

**vocaloidfreak: This Is Homophobic.**

**vocaloidfreak: And I Am Sobbing.**

**fsteak: then sob**

**vocaloidfreak: :(**

**fsteak: :)**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:26 AM>

**Chie**

>April 26th, 2011, 3:35 PM

**Yu: Just checking, I don't make you uncomfortable with anything, right?**

**Yu: I know I'm the kingpin of being socially awkward sometimes.**

**Yu: And sometimes my jokes go a bit too far...**

**Chie: ?**

**Chie: your fine**

**Chie: i just get angry at small things a lot**

**Chie: i kinda just take your jokes as trolling, or well**

**Chie: a joke**

**Chie: although i will say the difference between how you act in person is night and day compared to text**

**Yu: Simple, brain goes off when texting.**

**Yu: Also, I prefer to stay quiet when talking in person.**

**Yu: I've been told I switch topics quickly, don't say enough, say too much, or I just generally mess up.**

**Chie: you don't seem the type to switch so much though?**

**Chie: you just get a bit random at times, and youre extremely deadpan**

**Yu: Well, I have untreated ADHD**

**Yu: Mixed type.**

**Yu: I'm fairly obvious, but I mostly mess with some silk and a fancy ring in my pocket to stim so I don't fidget all the time.**

**Yu: Although, I still have some trouble focusing on Mooroka's lectures.**

**Chie: i did not expect that :0**

**Chie: you don't seem like someone who has adhd**

**Yu: Ha! I'm the king of mental health disorders! I have quite a few**

**Yu: shit ignore that**

**Yu: haha im okk**

**Yu: if im not ok im useless :)**

**Yu: so therefore im fine :)**

**Chie: did you just have a mental breakdown?**

**Chie: you know lying to everyone and yourself isnt healthy right?**

**Chie: also is there some sort of insecurity over being useless im missing?**

**Yu: Chie you aren't giving me impromptu therapy**

**Yu: I'm fine :)**

**Chie: and im not gay >:|**

**Yu: sure you aren't hon**

**Yu: say that when you and yukiko move to canada for 3 years to get married**

**Chie: ????**

**Chie: im not a maple syrup persona and stop deflecting**

**Yu: I'm using my right to remain silent :)**

**Chie: ill get you one day narukami**

**Chie: one day >:|**

**Yu: :p**

**Yu: I gotta go officer, see ya :D**

**Chie: >:**

<Chat Thread Closed 3:56>

**Dan Schneider Is A Pedophile UwU**

>April 26th, 2011, 4:26 PM

**Aphobescanburn: im bored**

**Aphobescanburn: yu send memess**

**mikumiku: no**

**mikumiku: suffer in door hell**

**misseshergays: yu can i have my dates back**

**misseshergays: pls i want to smooch yukari and aki again**

**mikumiku: you can go back at the end of our deal**

**mikumiku: we just need to work towards philemon's release**

**mikumiku: and we're keep the perfect timeline :)**

**devil: sorry guys**

**devil: i wish my journey was sooner**

**devil: than you could get out faster :(**

**misseshergays: its ok akira! i could wait for them as long as needed**

**misseshergays: this is the meme chat!**

**misseshergays: no depression!!**

**mikumiku: guess i need to leave then**

**Aphobescanburn: damn minako**

**Aphobescanburn: youre kicking everyone including yourself out of the dan schneider hate club like that -_-**

**devil: speaking of dan foot fetish**

**mikumiku: fjgggggggjhsgff**

**devil: who says i make a callout post for him online at the school library**

**devil: i haven't changed hearts in 11 years and its getting to me**

**devil: and he's rlly fucking gross**

**mikumiku: but didn't you stay in japan?**

**devil: exceptions can be made :D**

**Aphobescanburn: i say go for it tbh**

**misseshergays: do it or youre a coward**

**devil: give me a day or two >:)**

**misseshergays: >:)**

**Aphobescanburn: >:)**

**mikumiku: >:)**

<Chat Thread Closed, 4:18>

**Ryotaro Dojima**

>April 27th, 2011, 5:00 AM

**Dojima: Get your ass downstairs.**

**Dojima: Your mother's been worried sick.**

**Dojima: She's on the phone right now**

**Yu: 'Worried sick' my ass.**

**Yu: shit shit sorry Dojima-san**

**Yu: I'd rather not speak to her please**

**Dojima: Please don't give me a hard time.**

**Dojima: Your mom's screaming at me. Just come down and say hi dammit.**

**Yu: You can't make me.**

**Dojima: Yes I can.**

**Yu: fuck you.**

<Chat Thread Closed, 5:04 AM>

**'yu narukami is a little bitch' has been changed to 'kaguya narukami can choke'**

**'kaguya narukami can choke' has been changed to ' yu can't read'**

>April 27th, 2011, 6:09 PM

**vocaloidfreak: Apologies, I was changing the name of a different chat and misclicked :)**

**Partner!!: why do you want to choke your mom/sister?**

**vocaloidfreak: Calling her a mom would be an insult to moms**

**vocaloidfreak: Anyway, that's not important.**

**vocaloidfreak: What is, is that I think we should take Yukiko in the tv tomorrow.**

**vocaloidfreak: She needs some training if we plan to save the next victim**

**Partner!!: stop deflecting**

**vocaloidfreak: No :D**

**fsteak: no no seriously, stop deflecting**

**vocaloidfreak: You can't make me talk :)**

**scoring with fsteak: I have met you once, and I am incredibly concerned.**

**Partner!!: partner, we're actually really worried rn, u can trust us ya now :)**

**vocaloidfreak: jjg**

**vocaloidfreak: i**

**vocaloidfreak: I'm aware :)**

**vocaloidfreak: I just don't like talking about myself**

**vocaloidfreak: After all, your reflection in the mirror doesn't speak to you :)**

**fsteak: um??**

**Partner!!: ?**

**scoring with fsteak: Narukami-kun...?**

**vocaloidfreak: Would you look at the time! Prior obligation time! Bye~**

**fsteak: fuck**

**Partner!!: we lost him again dammit!**

**scoring with fsteak: Is this a common occurence?**

**fsteak: ugh yea it is**

**fsteak: he hints or admits to trauma and dips**

**Partner!!: he has a martyr complex or smth**

**Partner!!: he's p easy to read, but he's like a safe i swear.**

**scoring with fsteak: I have an idea you may like >:)**

**Partner!!: >:)**

**fsteak: >:)**

<Chat Thread Closed, 6:32 PM>

**Therapy for Yu Narukami Club!!**

>Created April 27th, 2011, 7:00 PM

**Yosuke: im up for this**

**Yosuke: dude sat down on the samegawa crying while petting a cat**

**Yosuke: didnt even see me**

**Chie: why are you just telling us now**

**Yukiko: Chie help I'm scared for Narukami**

**Chie: remember his 12 am texts to us privately**

**Chie: he didn't even remember them**

**Yosuke: he just texted me 'its miku time' and dipped.**

**Yosuke: i screamed**

**Yukiko: I think he's just a different breed at 12 am**

**Chie: he told me he's "the king of mental disorders"**

**Chie: and admitted he has untreated adhd**

**Chie: also the weird useless and mirror metaphors**

**Yukiko: That's what stuck out to me**

**Yukiko: Do you think he has some sort of rule or complex surrounding that?**

**Yosuke: ok so like, he mentioned off handedly that he's a jack of all trades**

**Yosuke: now a persona is a representation of your personality**

**Yosuke: but he has multiple**

**Yosuke: so what does that mean????**

**Chie: ugh, that makes way too little sense**

**Chie: he can't have like 20 something personalities unless he has did**

**Yukiko: I think they may be traits**

**Yukiko: We can't really test that until we head to the tv world with him though...**

**Chie: lets figure that out tmrw**

**Yosuke: mission help yu begins now!!**

**Yukiko: !!**

**Chie: !!**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:28>

**Ryotaro Dojima**

> April 27th, 2011, 7:54 PM

**Dojima: You can't avoid me forever kid.**

**Yu: Yes I can**

**Yu: I'm a master of hiding**

**Dojima: Explain the rustling I hear in your closet then**

**Yu: Look in the closet**

**Yu: Do it wimp**

**Dojima: ....**

**Dojima: Where are you?**

**Yu: :)**

**Dojima: Kid, I just want you to talk to your mother**

**Yu: I'm not talking to her**

**Yu: After I move from Inaba, I'm going no contact**

**Yu: I have a strong case for emancipation right now**

**Dojima: Is she abusive?**

**Yu: That would make her something.**

**Yu: Kaguya Narukami can choke and die for all I care.**

**Yu: Tell your sister I'm not talking to her**

**Yu: Tell Nanako I'll be back tomorrow**

**Dojima: You're grounded when you get back**

**Yu: So be it :)**

**Dojima: Where are you even staying?**

**Yu: Oh I'm at Ai's**

**Dojima: I did not need to know you're at your girlfriends**

**Yu: I'm not dating Ai?**

**Yu: She's my best friend other than Yosuke :)**

**Yu: She's going to do my makeup, so I'm going now**

**Yu: Bye Dojima-san :D**

**Dojima: I'm pretty sure you don't have sleepovers with random girls when you aren't dating but ok**

**Dojima: You're in for hell tomorrow kid.**

<Chat Thread Closed, 8:15 PM>

**yu can't read**

>April 28th, 2011, 4:07 AM

**vocaloidfreak: minakooo im not sending curry to the door of the universe fuck**

**vocaloidfreak: some of us have things to do**

**vocaloidfreak: like spoiling nanako**

**vocaloidfreak: and letting ai do their makeup**

**Partner!!: partner?**

**Partner!!: its 4 am?**

**vocaloidfreak: f u c k**

**vocaloidfreak: wrong chat :)**

**vocaloidfreak: I'm at Ai's and she did my makeup :)**

**vocaloidfreak: Stan Ai Ebihara For Good Makeup Looks**

**Partner!!: why are you at ebihara's doing makeup at 4 am?**

**vocaloidfreak: Oh, I ran away from Dojima's for a day because he broke my boundaries and now Ai and I are getting drunk while doing makeup :)**

**Partner!!: where did you even get alcohol**

**Partner!!: WAIT**

**Partner!!: WHY ARE YOU GETTING DRUNK?!!??!??!?!**

**vocaloidfreak: oh ai and i found a shitton of wine in her dad's bunker.**

**vocaloidfreak: we didnt take anything expensive**

**vocaloidfreak: just stuff you can get at konishi's**

**vocaloidfreak: woahh never take melatonin when drunk**

**vocaloidfreak: fucking wild gf ggj gkglglglrrrrug**

**Partner!!: i think i'm going to call dojima man**

**vocaloidfreak: nah ill be fine**

**vocaloidfreak: i know my limits :)**

**Partner!!: ....**

**vocaloidfreak: im closing the thread so i could sleep and skip tmrw ;**

**vocaloidfreak: peace :))**

**Partner!!: were talking about this tmrw**

<Chat Thread Closed, 4:18 AM>

**yu can't read**

>April 28th, 2011, 3:45 PM

**fsteak: Yu narukami get your ass over here right the fuck now**

**scoring with fsteak: Yu Narukami.**

**Partner!!: partner.**

**vocaloidfreak: Hey guys!**

**vocaloidfreak: I'm ok, sorry I tend to be a bit dramatic under the influence.**

**fsteak: so youve been drunk before?**

**vocaloidfreak: Yeah, Ai and I both know our limits**

**Partner!!: so why did you run from dojima for a night?**

**fsteak: ^^**

**scoring with fsteak: ^^**

**vocaloidfreak: :)**

**vocaloidfreak: Just a disagreement**

**vocaloidfreak: I'm going home after doing this last thing for the shrine fox**

**Partner!!: disagreement my ass!**

**scoring with fsteak: Narukami-kun.**

**vocaloidfreak: Haha, I'm gay and going to hell and you can't stop me from closing the thread.**

**vocaloidfreak: time to run from my problems :D**

<Chat Thread Closed 4:05 PM>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha my cousin is dead and i will now cope with fanfic
> 
> *holds naoto* your always there for me😔


	4. yu has a crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Internal screaming the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst? ye  
> cursed? ye  
> pain? ye

**Chie**

>April 28th, 2011, 6:08 PM

**Yu: hey minato did you ever tell igor to fuck off?**

**Yu: Shit Wrong Number**

**Chie: no no no**

**Chie: listen here spoon boy**

**Chie: why were you getting drunk with ebihara yesterday?**

**Yu: If I tell you will you guys get off my case?**

**Chie: ye**

**Yu: mommy issues lol**

**Chie: what do mommy issues have to do with you getting wasted**

**Chie: wait-**

**Chie: ok i think i get it now**

**Yu: You wanna see my makeup?**

**Yu: Ai did a really good job!**

**Chie: sure!**

**Yu: Also, it's a they/them day**

**Chie: ?**

**Yu: I'm bigender flux, I feel like a guy most of time, but sometimes I don't really feel like a girl or a boy**

**Yu: Non-binary**

**Chie: ah ok**

**Yu:[makeup.png](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)**

**Chie: wtf you look so good what**

**Yu: You think Yosuke would like it?**

**Yu: shit wait**

**Chie: what**

**Yu: Ignore that**

**Yu: please eee**

**Chie: you have a crush on yosudork?**

**Yu: don't call him a dork >:(**

**Yu: He's just super oblivious**

**Chie: and dumb**

**Chie: he couldnt spell astrology til like last month**

**Yu: listen he's my dumbass**

**Yu: at least i wish he was ahhhh**

**Yu: Where Have All The Cute Boys Gone**

**Yu: hes so straight it hurts chie**

**Chie: there there**

**Chie: all i can do is wish you luck with the levels of gay displayed**

**Yu: I'm only at 1% of my gay power chie**

**Yu: my hairs silver because im the second gayest fucker on the planet**

**Chie: whos the first?**

**Yu: akira**

**Chie: who?**

**Yu: dont worry about it**

**Chie: alright then**

**Yu: I'm going to let dojima know im not dead**

**Yu: :p**

**Chie: GO LET YOUR UNCLE KNOW YOU ARE LIVING YOU DORK**

<Chat Thread Closed 6:32 PM>

' **dan schneider is a pedophile UwU' was changed to 'hot people and akira'**

>April 28th, 2011, 6:33 PM

**mikumiku: my uncle is most likely taking my phone so im making my phone inconspicuous**

**misseshergays: ew het**

**mikumiku: ikr**

**mikumiku: anyway, i changed the name to avoid the awkward uncle questions**

**devil: mood**

**Aphobescanburn: im going to spam you with the word fuck over and over again**

**mikumiku: how could you minato**

**mikumiku: how could you forsake me like this :(**

**Aphobescanburn: i just can**

**Aphobescanburn: i also want revenge for the time you implied id fuck junpei**

**devil: context???**

**devil: listen i didnt see this go down and i am Very Curious**

**Aphobescanburn: i said yosuke was his best friend, and then he said junpai was mine**

**Aphobescanburn: best friend was a euphemism for would fuck**

**Aphobescanburn: id rather die than fuck junpei**

**misseshergays: honestly id defend junpei but same**

**misseshergays: the baseball cap wasnt it sis**

**mikumiku: ok but like, YOU LITERALLY TRIED TO MARRY YOSUKE**

**devil: wHAT?**

**mikumiku: YEA**

**mikumiku: LIKE THAT WAS MY PARTNER???**

**mikumiku: listen youre not the one who gets the brunt of yosukes homoerotic bs**

**mikumiku: he managed to be the most homophobic gayest man i have ever met**

**mikumiku: cant believe i have a crush on him, unrequited for like 20 something years i swear**

**devil: god youre such a simp**

**devil: a simp for boys that will never like you back**

**misseshergays: says akechifucker420**

**devil: I AM NOT AKECHIFUCKER420**

**Aphobescanburn: yea hes akechifucker69**

**devil: i hate everyone here**

**devil: i hope satanael roasts you on a skewer**

**mikumiku: kinky**

**devil: die**

**mikumiku: happily :D**

**misseshergays: wait no-**

**Aphobescanburn: death is overrated**

**Aphobescanburn: 7/10 would do if needed**

**mikumiku: why a 7?**

**Aphobescanburn: no school system to mentally break us**

**devil: ah, so plus 3 on the rating**

**misseshergays: ye**

**mikumiku: alright, ima go deal with dojima, bye hoes ;)**

**devil: bye whore**

**misseshergays: bye smol child**

**Aphobescanburn: bye dumbass number 2**

**misseshergays: whos number 1?**

**Aphobescanburn: look in the mirror**

**misseshergays: >:0**

**devil: fhjkgdhfg dumbass**

**Aphobescanburn: you cant talk number 3**

**devil: *burns in hell***

<Chat Thread Closed, 6:50>

**Minato**

>April 28th, 2011, 7:00 PM

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Minato: fuck**

**Yu: Who is this and why are you spamming my nephew with curses?**

**Minato: revenge**

**Yu: What did he do? What would bring you to spam him while I'm talking to him about his behavior.**

**Minato: he implied that id fuck my friend**

**Minato: as revenge for trying to fake marry his best friend/crush**

**Minato: so in our group chat i said id spam him with the word fuck**

**Minato: and i figured he still had his phone or smth**

**Minato: is his face red? if it is red tell him hes a bottom and i hope philemon haunts his nightmares**

**Yu: What the fuck?**

**Yu: I'm going to go talk to him...**

**Yu: Have a good day.**

**Minato: :)**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:08 PM>

**'yu can't read' has been changed to 'dojima is present!!'**

>April 28th, 2011, 7:45 PM

**vocaloidfreak: Yeah, so Dojima is taking my phone**

**vocaloidfreak: So Yosuke gets mod for the week, and I'm going to go kill a dead guy :D**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:46 PM>

**dojima is present!!**

>April 29th, 2011, 7:08 AM

**fsteak: shit**

**scoring with fsteak: Oh my!**

**Partner!!: oh fuck**

**vocaloidfreak: What's "Vocaloid" and why is Yu obsessed with it?**

**Partner!!: fuck**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i did just leave you guys on a cliffhanger :D


	5. yu narukami rewatches fma while everyone fucking explodes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week of Dojima interacting with Yu's various contacts. Or at least his attempt to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dojima does not survive the week, f in the chat for dojima pls.

**dojima is present!!**

>April 29th, 2011, 7:10 AM

**vocaloidfreak: Well?**

**vocaloidfreak: I'm not going through all of his stuff, but he said almost 75% of nicknames are based off of "Vocaloid"**

**Partner!!: not it! chie you do it**

**fsteak: yosuke! i dont even know what it is**

**fsteak: all ik is that hatsune miku comes from it**

**fsteak: yukiko helpppppp**

**scoring with fsteak: I'm afraid I don't know what vocaloid is either**

**scoring with fsteak: Yosuke please explain it to Dojima-san**

**Partner!!: fucking fine**

**Partner!!: cute digital anime ppl singing really depressing lyrics as upbeat as possible**

**Partner!!: ask partner, he's the expert**

**vocaloidfreak: Did you just call Yu partner?**

**vocaloidfreak: Partner in what?**

**vocaloidfreak: I hope it's nothing illegal Hanamura.**

**Partner!!: its nothing illegal please dont arrest me again dojima-san please**

**fsteak: ass kisser**

**scoring with fsteak: ^^**

**vocaloidfreak: I'm guessing 'fsteak' is Satonaka, so Satonaka are you and Amagi dating?**

**fsteak: fjghdfkgdffkjgfdkgfdhgsdkhfg**

**scoring with fsteak: Yes! We are ^^**

**scoring with fsteak: If there's a problem I won't hesitate to commit war crimes behind Junes!**

**scoring with fsteak: So don't say anything that will lead me to threatening national security :D**

**Partner!!: yu leaves and yukiko takes over the cursed god**

**fsteak: *whispers* yosuke its hot shut up**

**scoring with fsteak: chie (///_///)**

**vocaloidfreak: Ok, thats enough flirting**

**vocaloidfreak: I won't tell anyone, but get your asses to school.**

**vocaloidfreak: But please tone down on the language.**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:35 AM

**The Fools Round 2: Electric Boogaloo**

>April 29th, 2011, 3:45 PM

**Mina-Ko!!: It's meeting time everyone!!**

**Mina-Ko: Yu warned us his uncle might take his phone so its password time!**

**satan: It's nice to me-heet you ho!**

**Mina-to!!: I am in your care.**

**Mina-Ko!!: ME EAT YOU WHOLE**

**Satan: well...**

**Spoon: What the fuck?**

**Satan: BEEP, wrong answer fuck off gramps**

**Mina-Ko!!: Sorry sir, thanks for taking care of Yu, but please leave :D**

**Spoon: You know I'm a detective right?**

**Spoon: You can get arrested for verbal assault of an officer.**

**Mina-to!!: acab**

**Mina-to!!: also this is like yea the secret chat**

**Mina-to!!: so as akira said, fuck off**

**Mina-ko!!: GUYS**

**Mina-ko!!: Akira, you're 11 rn, no swearing in front of cops**

**Satan: minako help hes triggering my ptsd**

**Satan: :((((((((((**

**Mina-Ko!!: oh**

**Mina-Ko!!: i kindly request that you fuck off gramps**

**Spoon: Ok then...**

<Chat Thread Closed, 3:57 PM>

**Ai Ebihara**

>April 30th, 2011, 7:01 AM

**Ai: hey bitch wanna go shopping today**

**Ai: we need to buy you new eyeliner ngl**

**Ai: yours is gross and chunky**

**Ai: i also have pics from the other night**

**Ai: you look fucking wild when youre wasted**

**Yu: Hello?**

**Yu: This is Ryotaro Dojima**

**Yu: I hope you weren't planning on bringing my nephew to skip classes with you.**

**Ai: oh i was**

**Ai: we both have fairly high grades anyway**

**Yu: Can you break up with him? You seem like a bad influence**

**Ai: We aren't dating sir >:(**

**Ai: hes too gay for hanamura**

**Ai: fuck ignore that**

**Yu: I could care less about his crush on Hanamura.**

**Yu: Why were you guys getting drunk**

**Ai: its not my place to say :)**

**Ai: im not a snitch**

**Ai: im a girl who needs therapy**

**Ai: look i just met up with yu on our way to school**

**Ai: bye~**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:28>

**Minako**

>April 29th, 2011, 2:08 AM

**Minako: yuuuuu pls make me curry**

**Minako: im stsarfving fkg fj**

**Minako: minato here**

**Minako: minako passed out**

**Minako: oh yea cop man still has custody of your phone**

**Minako: >:)**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Minako: fuck**

**Yu: GODDAMMIT KID ILL GIVE HIM HIS PHONE BACK**

**Yu: GO TO BED**

**Yu: SOME OF US HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING**

**Minako: good**

**Minako: also i feel no remorse**

**Minako: acab for life**

<Chat Thread Closed, 2:15 AM>

**Dojima**

> April 31st, 2011, 3:45 PM

**Dojima: You can have your phone back kid**

**Yu: :D**

**Dojima: But we're talking about some of your questionable choices to say the least...**

**Yu: Oh well, I'll live**

**Yu: Ciao!**

<Chat Thread Closed, 3:48 PM

**Fools Round 2: Electric Boogaloo**

>April 31st, 2011, 4:00 PM

**Spoon: im back hoes**

**Spoon: sorry i missed the meet**

**Spoon: can we go over any progress on our side of the deal?**

**Mina-Ko!!: He's back!!**

**Mina-to!!: hey bottom**

**Spoon: why would you tell my uncle to call me a bottom**

**Spoon: i was watching fma, and i get called a bottom by a guy i see as my dad**

**Spoon: AND ACAB TO HIS FACE**

**Spoon: you arent wrong but still minato**

**Satan: cops are fucking gross**

**Satan: it hasnt even happened yet and i can feel the needles :(**

**Spoon: Sorry akira**

**Spoon: i forgot to lock the chat**

**Mina-Ko!!: Well minato and i have been going by kotone in public, and i let my hair down, and minato pulled his back**

**Mina-Ko!!: No one recognizes us, so we're making our ways to sumaru to find where they sealed philemon to break it**

**Mina-to!!: they have good ramen here**

**Satan: hows your journey going**

**Spoon: tbh its pretty chaotic up here.**

**Spoon: succubus and incubus started to fuck again and i had to run out of the house at like 4 am to fuse them off**

**Satan: omg never keep mara and succubus at the same time**

**Satan: absolute nightmare**

**Spoon: oh god i made that mistake too**

**Spoon: needed succubus to get victory cry from exploiting my compendium, so i had them in my head at the same time**

**Mina-Ko!!: I hate mara so much**

**Mina-Ko!!: EVEN THEO WAS DONE**

**Mina-Ko!!: THE GUY WHO BUYS SODAS FOR THE VELVET ROOM**

**Mina-to!!: elizabeth complimeted it...**

**Mina-Ko!!: what**

**Mina-to!!: i think i win weirdest attendant award**

**Spoon: that you win minato**

**Spoon: marie isnt exactly an attendant**

**Spoon: but the poems**

**Spoon: theyre so edgy fjkdshs**

**Spoon: like knowing why theyre written the way they are, I feel bad, but still**

**Spoon: send her poems to r/im14andthisisdeep pls**

**Satan: be nice yu >:(**

**Satan: marie probably sees you as a main support in her life**

**Spoon: im glad she does, its just wildcard burnout plus angsty poems ya know**

**Spoon: my journeys going fine, my moon is being rebuilt just by hanging out with ai since she remembers**

**Spoon: other than that everything is progressing at the same rate.**

**Mina-Ko!!: Alright, we're in the green then!!**

**Mina-to!!: Mina, we need to go now**

**Mina-to!!: i found something big.**

**Mina-Ko!!: On it**

**Mina-Ko!!: bye guys :D**

**Spoon: see ya!!**

**Satan: bye :p**

<Chat Thread Closed, 4:28 PM>

**'dojima is present' has been changed to 'live action scooby doo'**

>April 31st, 2011, 5:00 PM

**'vocaloidfreak' has been changed to 'bowl'**

**'Partner!!' has been changed to 'headphones'**

**'fsteak' has been changed to 'green'**

**'scoring with fsteak' has been changed to 'red'**

**bowl: I'm back :D**

**bowl: Some old friends bullied Dojima and he gave it back :)**

**green: i hate your naming choices**

**bowl: you only hate them because im right**

**bowl: :)**

**red: I'm glad I still match with Chie!**

**headphones: hey partner!**

**headphones: how was being grounded**

**headphones: also these nicknames suck ngl**

**bowl: I rewatched all of FMA 03**

**bowl: :(**

**headphones: fine theyre ok**

**bowl: I love FMA 03 so much**

**bowl: FMAB is still really good, but for what it covers FMA 03 did it better**

**headphones: wow guess im revoking our partnership**

**headphones: fmab is like perfect**

**bowl: episodes 1-12.**

**headphones: we can respectfully disagree**

**green: i love the fight in both shows, but the fights in the last season of 03 are soo good!**

**red: I haven't seen either**

**red: They seem interesting though!**

**bowl: everyone bring yukiko to my place to come binge 03 tonight and fmab next week**

**green: on it**

**headphones: im getting snacks rn**

**bowl: Nanako has a sleepover, and I have all the dvds on me rn, so its all set up**

**bowl: I also just made curry so its all set up :)**

**headphones: were on our way partner**

<Chat Thread Closed, 5:22 PM>

**kaguya narukami can choke**

>March 1st, 2011, 1:02 AM

**mikumiku: guys help yosuke is so cute he fell asleep on my lap, yukiko and chie are also asleeppppf fhvjdfcvghcjxc**

**misseshergays: wow, gay much**

**mikumiku: not the time minako**

**mikumiku: hes so peaceful**

**Aphobescanburn: omg shut up we get it you think hes hot**

**devil: bottom.**

**mikumiku: says akechifucker69420**

**devil: IM NOT AKECHIFUCKER69420**

**devil: we were just rivals**

**misseshergays: who bathed together**

**mikumiku: homoerotically spilled your tragic backstories**

**Aphobescanburn: held onto to a glove as a sign of your rivalry**

**devil: ok fine maybe i was crushing on him**

**mikumiku: back to gay panic in the present, h e l p**

**mikumiku: i cant move him**

**mikumiku: do i just eat pocky until he wakes up?**

**devil: ye**

**Aphobescanburn: stick one in his nose**

**misseshergays: do it or no balls >:)**

**mikumiku: i am above peer pressure**

**devil: do it or your het**

**mikumiku: done**

**mikumiku: hes up, so bye hoes**

**mikumiku: I STOLE HIS PHONE FUCK YEAAA**

**devil: SPAM THE CHAT**

**mikumiku: ?**

**Aphobescanburn: fuck**

**Aphobescanburn: fuck**

**Aphobescanburn: fuck**

**Aphobescanburn: fuck**

**Aphobescanburn: fuck**

**Aphobescanburn: fuck**

**Aphobescanburn: fuck**

**Aphobescanburn: fuck**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**misseshergays: women**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**devil: akechiiiiiii**

**mikumiku: um ok bye then?**

**mikumiku: rude**

**mikumiku: be nice to partner or burn ok?**

**Aphobescanburn: i like him, can we keep him?**

**devil: no fools only**

**misseshergays: no magicians**

**mikumiku: im not a magiciajkfhjkg**

**mikumiku: thx guys**

**mikumiku: were going to bed now :D**

**devil: bye yu!!**

**Aphobescanburn: bye bitch**

**misseshergays: goodnight my pupil**

<Chat Thread Closed, 1:13 AM>

**live action scooby doo**

>May 1st, 2011, 8:39 AM

**green: yu looks fucking adorable rn**

**red: He's so peaceful**

**green: everyone go downstairs slowly**

**headphones: no can do**

**red: ?**

**headphones: he's latched onto my arm like a dog**

**green: he does remind you of a dog tho**

**red: ok then yosuke, you stay put**

**green: we're going to make breakfast as a thank you :D**

**headphones: NO YOU ARE FUCKING NOT**

**headphones: i doubt you two can cook**

**bowl: im up whoresdfhj**

**bowl: minakoo please dont let aki get high on paint again and stop blowing up my dmss**

**bowl: shit wrong chat**

**headphones: hey dumbass let go of my arm**

**headphones: i need it and its kinda gay to hug a guy in your sleep**

**bowl: ah**

**bowl: sorry**

**green: yosudork**

**red: Chie, don't insult people for no reason!**

**green: read our private chat**

**red:...**

**red: Yosudork!**

**headphones: I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING WHTSD FG**

**bowl: leave him alone guys, im fine :)**

**bowl: now im going downstairs, yosuke you come with**

**headphones: WAIT WHAT DID I DO???????**

<Chat Thread Closed, 8:46 AM>

**Yukiko <3**

>March 1st, 2011, 9:00 AM

**Chie: u ready to get these dorks together >:)**

**Yukiko: Heck yeah Chie!**

**Chie: <3**

**Yukiko: <3**

<Chat Thread Closed, 9:01>

**Yosuke**

>May 1st, 2011, 6:08 PM

**Yosuke: ok so what did i do this morning to have daggers from you and yukiko all day**

**Chie: its not gay for yu to give you a hug dumbass!!**

**Yosuke: it kinda is?**

**Yosuke: theres a lot of double standards for guys and girls chie**

**Yosuke: you and yukiko could kiss and get away with it**

**Yosuke: but if he gives me a hug ill get called gay all the time**

**Yosuke: WHICH IM NOT**

**Yosuke: im straight**

**Chie: alright, but yu has reasons he does what he does**

**Chie: he straight up told me he had mommy issues -_-**

**Yosuke: ok yea but like**

**Chie: ok yea but like- NO**

**Chie: listen, just be nice to him**

**Chie: its pretty obvious his love language is touch, platonic or romantic**

**Yosuke: im fine with lesbians, but guys arent supposed to be gay,,,**

**Yosuke: if i get grouped as one id never hear the end of it from my dad**

**Chie: yosuke you cant hold that double standard**

**Chie: yu is quite literally bi or pan!**

**Yosuke: yea but its just a hard topic for me chie**

**Chie: its not hard ur either homophobic or sane**

**Chie: get ur ass to the inn**

**Chie: secret meeting**

**Chie: yukiko and i will have a talk with you >:|**

**Yosuke: fineee**

<Chat Thread Closed, 6:17 PM>

**Yukiko**

>May 1st, 2011, 7:30 PM

**Yukiko: Ok soooo**

**Chie: yep my chie radar was right**

**Yukiko: He has internalized homophobia**

**Yukiko: Poor bean, still doesn't give him the right to be an ass though.**

**Chie: were going to help him get thru this and accept himself!!**

**Yukiko: If we don't, can't his shadow come back?**

**Chie: yeppers**

**Yukiko: Mission, un-homophobe Yosuke is a go!!  
**

**Chie: <3**

**Yukiko: <3**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:38 PM>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the wildcards get to be chaotic, including Minato. You get chaos! You get chaos! And you get chaos!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and have a good day :)


	6. hwes gowing shwuper spweed OwO!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yosuke begins to invest in eye bleach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate the title of this chapter so much

**live action scooby doo**

> May 2nd, 2011, 4:00 AM

**bowl: minako i will fucking steal your shitty ass evoker and summon helel to morning star your ass**

**bowl: im not making you curry its reserved for nanako and the inaba crew**

**bowl: go ask philemon for curry, oh wait youre unsealing him, go do your half of the deal >:|**

**bowl: wrong chat**

**bowl: srry**

<Chat Thread Closed, 4:06 AM>

**Minako Arisato**

>May 2nd, 2011, 3:59 AM

**Minako: give me curry hoe**

**Minako: pls im a starving door**

**Minako: i need sustenance to support my sturdy frame**

**Minako: yuuuuuuuuuu**

**Minako: yu pweashe**

**Minako: your wildcard senpai is fucking starving**

**Yu: MINAKO I JUST NAMED PHILEMON IN THE IT CHAT**

**Yu: STOP FUCKING TEXTING ME AT 4 AM**

**Minako: FUCK**

**Minako: FUCKFUCKFUCK**

**Minako: this an emergency holy fuck**

**Minako: throw them off your scent in the hours of morn**

**Yu: it is hours of morn**

**Minako: reasonable hours of mourn**

**Yu: yes maam**

<Chat Thread Closed, 4:15 AM>

**live action scooby doo**

> May 2nd, 2011, 7:46 AM

**headphones: aggressive much?**

**green: whats an evoker**

**red: What's a Helel?  
**

**headphones: whos philemon?**

**green: whys he sealed**

**bowl: :)**

**bowl: Its Just Minako's boss**

**bowl: She goes to work early and she was hungry and was begging me for food again**

**bowl: Evokers are an old reference to when we played pretend when we were small**

**bowl: :D**

**bowl: Yu Narukami's QnA is closed now!**

**bowl: Any futher questions will be greeted with consequences!**

**red: Chie please don't ask him anything**

**headphones: chie pls me and yukiko are scared as fuck rn**

**green: whats the morning star?**

**green: where does she work to have a sealed boss**

**green: why is he sealed?**

**green: WAIT SHIT I DIDNT SEE HIS WARNING**

**green: YUKIKO IM SO SORRY**

**green: YOU TOO YOSUKE**

**red: Life was nice.**

**red: I had a girlfriend**

**headphones: cant believe im gonna die before i get a gf**

**headphones: holy fuck hes still typing**

**red: Chie, my beloved**

**red: what the fuck have you unleashed**

**green: im so sorry babe**

**bowl: Hewwo! My nawme is Ywu Nawukami OwO!! I'm vewy shy, and i howpe we can be vewy good friends!! pwease treat me kindly~ that shirt is so kawaii desu omg chiewe!! i wuv youw skiwt!!**

**bowl: yukikwoo!! i wuv youw headband! its so kawaii babey!!**

**bowl: yosukwe OwO, owange is yow colow, it looks so cwool on you!!**

**bowl: (≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★(≧∇≦)━★**

**green: i hate this so fucking much**

**bowl: (≧∇≦)━★**

**green: STOP**

**red: i think im crying**

**red: i dont know if its from laughter or not**

**headphones: partner what in the actual hell did i just witness**

**bowl: Was that A Question?**

**headphones: NONONOONOOOOOO**

**red: NOO**

**green: NOOOO**

**headphones: it wasnt a question i swear**

**headphones: please no more**

**green: please have mercy**

**red: we're begging**

**bowl: ....**

**bowl: Fine.**

**bowl: Only because I need to summon Satan after school**

**headphones: that was a joke right?**

**bowl: :)**

**green: whys he typing again**

**red: Yosuke.**

**red: YOU ASKED A QUESTION**

**headphones: FUCK IGNORE THAT GBJMHSGHJ**

**green: IM NOT READY FOR ANOTHER PLEASE**

**bowl: Everyday i wake up to a long day. life is a chore. as everyday, i wake up to my 11 year old kohai summoning satan. He looked me in the eyes and said, "senpaiw i wanna suwmmon satwan with mwy mwy liwwe pony dowlls! hes weally chwill!!" and now i cant sleep at night. i tried to ween him off his satan obbsession, but alas it has not worked. AITA for not respecting my 11 year old kohais religion?**

**bowl: as my best friends have said in the past: sex will only happen in the lightning mcqueen racecar bed**

**bowl: BUT dont have sex with out condoms. Lesbian? use a dental dam. Lightning mcqueen endorses safe sex!! :D**

**green: shoot me**

**red: me too**

**headphones: can i third that?**

**bowl: :D**

**headphones: dont you fucking smile**

**bowl: heading to school rn**

**bowl: closing chat before yukiko and chie implode**

<Chat Thread Closed, 7:50 AM>

**Ai**

> May 2nd, 2011, 1:05 PM

**Yu: ai i did a thing**

**Ai: what did you do**

**Yu: remeber the time we went to burger king and you got crowned the burger queen**

**Ai: dont remind me**

**Ai: good burger, but that was humiliating**

**Yu: well i edited the background out so its just you in a burger king crown**

**Ai: i hate you**

**Yu: no you dont**

**Yu: here it is**

**Yu:[burgerai.png](https://twitter.com/piepanda99/status/1367978293090205696/photo/1)**

**Ai: i hate this**

**Ai: this is aphobic**

**Yu: ur just mad you enjoyed the fuck out of that burger**

**Ai: IT WAS 4 AM AND I WAS A STARVING DRUNK**

**Ai: fuck you**

**Yu: you love me bae**

**Ai: i hate that i do**

**Ai: got another confession today**

**Ai: god i wish theyd leave me alone**

**Yu: well if its ever too much we can fake date around when rise joins?**

**Yu: two birds one stone :D**

**Ai: i like your thinking >:)**

**Yu: omg we can break ppl's legs together**

**Yu: and call it "bonding"**

**Ai: when does rise arrive again?**

**Yu: june.**

**Ai: this plan is genius**

**Yu: we can finally defeat the woes of being hot**

**Ai: idk about you, but yea**

**Yu: D:**

**Ai: :)**

**Ai: wanna go shopping tomorrow**

**Ai: bored af**

**Yu: sure!**

<Chat Thread Closed 1:23 PM>

**Akira**

>May 3rd, 2011, 9:07 AM

**Akira: yuuu im bored**

**Akira: i already know all this shit**

**Akira: im an erudite**

**Akira: above the need to learn basic multiples**

**Yu: and im above calculus yet her we are.**

**Yu: listen i dont want to attract king morons attention**

**Akira: but minako and minato are busy in sumaru stillll**

**Yu: just chill tf out**

**Yu: draw**

**Yu: do your hw**

**Yu: some of us have pissy teachers**

**Yu: bye**

**Akira: wow ive been abandoned**

**Akira: left for dead**

**Akira: to perish**

**Yu: then perish**

<Chat Thread Closed, 9:14 AM>

**live action scooby doo**

<May 4th, 2011, 11:22 AM

**headphones: partner pick up your fucking phone**

**red: What happened?**

**green: did you mean to dm him?**

**headphones: i did**

**headphones: 18 times.**

**green: omg is something wrong**

**green: should we spam this chat?**

**red: Have you tried calling?**

**headphones: good idea yukiko**

**headphones: lemme try that**

**red: So Chie, since it's golden week do you want to stay at the inn with me?**

**green: absolutely**

**green: can i have steak again?!**

**red: Yes of course Chie. Steak. The only reason I'm inviting you.**

**bowl: fuckckiffff stopp callin its stl l early yrj**

**headphones: partner its almost noon**

**bowl: so?**

**bowl: some of us are round sleepers**

**bowl: fuck off im going back to sleep**

**red: Oh no you aren't!**

**green: we need to plan our next meeting and i think yosuke has something to tell you**

**bowl: oh my fucking god its my day off socializing to sit inside and eat snacks and sleep**

**bowl: im muting my phone byeeeeeeeee**

**red: Yu Narukami**

**red: Get your ass over here right now**

**bowl: fine, but i already have plans today**

**bowl: I'm going shopping with Ai around 3, so like let me chill**

**bowl: I need to refill my Restoril prescription tomorrow, so I'm available for the rest of the week after that**

**green: whats restoril**

**bowl: :)**

**bowl: I'm going to go take a shower and avoid my problems**

**bowl: see ya!**

**headphones: restoril is the strongest sleeping prescription doctors can prescribe**

**green: oh**

**red: Didn't he say he used Melatonin for that?**

**headphones: he did say he needs a refill**

**green: hey yukiko lets move to dms**

**red: k**

**headphones: trying to give me abandonment issues it seems :(**

<Chat Thread Closed, 11:48 AM>

**Therapy for Yu Narukami Club!!  
**

> May 4th, 2011, 11:49 AM

**Yukiko: I have called the therapy club for their second meeting in light of what we just found out!!**

**Yosuke: formal much?**

**Chie: shut up yosuke its hot**

**Yukiko: Chie,,,**

**Yosuke: ok stop staring into each others texts**

**Yukiko: Ok... Back to the topic, Restoril is the only prescribe sleeping medication that puts you asleep and keeps you asleep**

**Yukiko: Melatonin is a less effective over-the-counter alternative.**

**Chie: so he has sleeping problems?**

**Yosuke: probably, i used to use melatonin when i was in the city**

**Yosuke: hard to sleep with all the noise, but it was REALLY strong**

**Yosuke: knocks you tf out**

**Yukiko: He must have some serious sleeping problems them...**

**Chie: ok so he has adhd, insomnia, and any other info?**

**Yosuke: i dont think he knows i know but his chat name with his friends out of inaba is still called 'kaguya narukami can choke'**

**Chie: he told me he had mommy issues**

**Chie: i think he ran away to get wasted with ebihara cause dojima called his mom or smth**

**Chie: he was v angy**

**Yukiko: angy,,,**

**Yukiko: FDGdhgfsdhf angy dhggsd sj chieeee**

**Yosuke: not again...**

**Yukiko: Yeah, but I think that might be why he doesn't open up to us. But I really don't want to make any assumptions.**

**Yukiko: So due to the fact we need more info, this meeting is adjourned!!**

**Chie: shes so hot**

**Yosuke: this isnt a courtroom??**

**Chie: yosuke shut up shes hot and having fun**

**Yukiko: (///_///)**

**Yosuke: *insert vomiting noises here***

**Chie: your just mad ur single**

<Chat Thread Closed, 12:03 PM>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why yes burger king ai edits on my twit is what led to me figuring out how to run the romantic subplots >:)  
> im just such an ace lesbian for ai shes such a good character
> 
> thanks for reading and have a good day!!


	7. chie is a female himbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some golden week crack. RIP Chie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i meant what i said in the title im not taking it back

**live action scooby doo**

>May 5th, 2:08 PM

**bowl: It just hit me**

**bowl: Chie is a female himbo**

**bowl: H o l y s h i t**

**headphones: partner wtf**

**headphones: why would you expose my eyes to this**

**red: What's a himbo?**

**green: ^^**

**bowl: A hot dude that's really nice, but also really dumb**

**bowl: So therefore, Chie is a female himbo.**

**red: That does sound like Chie!**

**headphones: partner whyy**

**headphones: i didnt need this knowledge**

**green: narukami.**

**bowl: Satonaka.**

**green: why must you forsake me**

**green: first you tried to sacrifice yosuke to satan**

**green: now me to the trope gods**

**bowl: Chie, it'll be worth it**

**bowl: We'll be a full rpg cast by the end of it!!**

**red: Are Chie and I the obvious lesbians that call each other best friends to avoid backlash?**

**bowl: Yeppers.**

**headphones: i hate that word so much**

**headphones: y̶̡͎̖̰̞͖̠̓̏̐̔̃͘͜͠ȩ̸̨̢̟̥̪̲̝̜̟͎̺̠͔̜̽ͅp̴̢̨̭͍̯̬͖͙͉͉͂̌͗̉͂̏̈̐̄̃̐̈́͜͠p̴̋̃ͅe̷̡̢̛͖̠͇̣̳̩̤̜͚͊̀̄̈̂͊̄̎͘͘͜͠͝r̸̳̭͍̙͔͖͈͚̘̯͚̞͐͛̈́̈́̾̕ͅş̵͎͎̞̩̳̱͓̻̟͚̌̕**

**green: cursed text much?**

**red: I can't read Chie's message now >:(**

**bowl: Oh noo that's so sad**

**bowl: I'm shedding a single tear in your honor**

**bowl: A full drop of sadness**

**green: well fuck you too**

**bowl: no no no**

**bowl: no fucking will be done in this chat.**

**red: Too late for that.**

**green: YUKIKO**

**headphones: i-**

**headphones: ok then**

**bowl: Congrats on the sex that did NOT occur in this chat**

**red: What if it did?**

**bowl: I see no roleplaying in the chat, so therefore no you did not.**

**headphones: i hate how serious youre making this**

**headphones: im cleaning an aisle at junes and all i see is yukiko and chie getting called out**

**green: yUKIKO**

**green: whY**

**bowl: Woah! You broke Chie!**

**red: I regret nothing.**

**red: She's adorable like this**

**red: All flustered and blushing.**

**headphones: you 2 together rn??**

**green: maybe**

**bowl: gay.**

**bowl: If I'm not active in chat I got called in by the nurse**

**headphones: @ the doctors?**

**bowl: Ye**

**bowl: It smells like hand sanitizer**

**green: why u at the doctor?**

**bowl: Need to get some prescriptions renewed. Mostly just for my insomnia.**

**headphones: how bad is it?**

**bowl: I know what you're doing but I'll throw you a bone.**

**bowl: Awful. I have trouble sleeping because my head won't shut the fuck up.**

**bowl: One minute I'm thinking about Minako's toaster gf, next minute wondering what's the point of my arcana.**

**bowl: I take Restoril to knock me out and stay out.**

**headphones: oh thats sad**

**red: Toaster gf?**

**green: arcana?**

**bowl: Don't worry about it.**

**bowl: I'm getting called in now.**

**bowl: Bye~**

**red: See you!  
**

**green: bye**

**headphones: peace**

<Chat Thread Closed, 2:23>

**Yosuke**

> May 6th, 2011, 3:00 AM

**Yu: i̵̡̡̨̻͓̫̣͓̱̮̟̩͗͑̽̎̐̏͂̔̍̍͗̒͝t̵̛͈̜͉̦̥͔̩̖̓̐̉͗̅̅͗̆̓̐̎̃͝͝͠ ̵̨̰̬̎̒̽̐͒̄̉̓̽͑̐̓͛̒̑͘ͅm̵̛̲͔̯̲̩̃͑̍͂̾̍̾̆̾͒͘͝͝i̴̦̖͕̘͙͋̈ͅk̴̨̗̞͇̗͎͇̠̺͈̞͂͜ų̶̡̢̨̹̬͈̤̥͈͖̭̬͓̠̟͆̊͒̈́̎̅̄̕͜͠ ̴̡̡̡͙̠̳̤̜̦̦̳͕̂̏̿͋̈́̏̆̓t̴̡̧̧͕̭͕͇̲̳̹̂́̾̌̄̇͝į̸̡͕͎̳͎̗̭̙̻̖͚̥̅̄̽̐̽̇͋̈́̓̀̐̕͝m̷̨̺͊̍̽̊̿̓͑̾͛͒̈́̈̓̇̅͠ȩ̶̩̞̖̙͓̋̒̿̆**

**Yosuke: AHHHFGGHJH**

**Yosuke: NOT AGAIN DAMMIT**

**Yosuke: stop sending me cursed miku bs at 3 am**

**Yu: itdg miku j tim e w hho r rees**

**Yosuke: go to bed**

**Yu: yes minaa**

**Yosuke: ..who?**

**Yu: minatoooooooooo lemememe sleeep i meds a up n ghfkfhight**

**Yosuke: night partner,,,,**

<Chat Thread Closed, 3:05 AM>

**Therapy for Yu Narukami Club!!**

>May 6th, 2011, 3:06 AM

**Yosuke: yea ummm**

**Yosuke: talk bout this in the morning**

**Yosuke: yuwhatthefrog.png**

<Chat Thread Closed, 3:08 AM>

**live action scooby doo**

**bowl added door-chan**

>May 6th, 2011, 6:02 AM

**bowl: ok i added you to the meme chat again is it working**

**door-chan: this is not the meme chat you fucking liar**

**door-chan: i just want to spam y'all with memes at 4 am :'(**

**bowl: fuck you some of us have insomnia**

**door-chan: and im literally dead stfu**

**bowl: oh wait fuck**

**bowl: this is the IT chat**

**bowl: srry guys, minako leave ill add you to the right chat**

**door-chan: alright whore**

**bowl: bitch**

**door-chan: pussy**

**bowl: jester arcana looking ass**

**door-chan: >:0**

**door-chan: fuck you**

**door-chan: i hope you reverse a social link**

**door-chan: now add me to the meme chat**

**bowl: yes maam**

**> bowl has removed door-chan!**

**headphones: what the frog**

**bowl: shh go back to sleep**

<Chat Thread Closed, 6:12 AM>

**get in the hee-ho bed, time for sex whores**

> May 6th, 2011, 6:14 AM

**> Added door-chan**

**door-chan: hey whores *whips hair* im backk~**

**door-kun: burn it**

**fluff: hey there hoes *fake moans* im a straight white dude**

**fluff: sounds v yikesss**

**fork: i concur with minato**

**fork: burn in hell**

**fork: all of you**

**fluff: hell sounds sexy af sure**

**door-chan: nothing hotter than burning in hell for being a sinner :D**

**door-kun: arent we jesus and female jesus tho?**

**fork: you can still burn in hell.**

**fluff: anyone can burn in hell!**

**fluff: we're more accepting than the united states!**

**fork: im sorry in advance minato**

**door-kun: no**

**door-kun: dont do it yu**

**fork: hell IS kinda sexy tho ;)**

**door-kun: im out of allies and i hate you all**

**door-chan: noo lil bro come here, get a hug from your onee-san**

**door-kun:...**

**fork: .....**

**fluff: ....**

**door-chan: that sounded way too sensual, just come get a hug god im never referring to myself as onee san again**

**fork: please**

**door-kun: never again**

**fluff: i think i just saw heaven ewwwww**

**door-chan: i love how we all just agree we're all going to hell**

**fork: ok my second restorill issd kicking in**

**fluff: whyd you take another?**

**fork: had to wake up to take a f **ludrocortisone****

****door-kun: ah k** **

****door-chan: night everyone!!** **

****door-kun: ^^** **

****fluff: nightt** **

****fork: nightg thgjfg** **

****fluff: someones knocked out** **

<Chat Thread Closed, 6:24 AM>

**live action scooby doo**

>May 6th, 12:05 PM

**green: why were you up at like 6 am narukami**

**red: Why was Yosuke-kun up?**

**headphones: i noticed my phone blowing up**

**headphones: partner get ur ass over here**

**bowl: IM UPPPP**

**bowl: fuckkck**

**bowl: please never spam my ringtone**

**headphones: why were you up so early and up so late at the same time**

**green: pick a time god**

**red: Smh, Yu-kun is too indecisive to pick a time**

**bowl: WOW didnt know it was drag yu hours**

**green: its always drag yu hours**

**bowl: fuck you**

**bowl: anyway i had to wake up to take some meds and went back to bed after adding my senpai to this chat by accident, then moving her to the meme chat**

**headphones: bro why were you**

**headphones: so many questions**

**green: why is your friendo deado**

**bowl: shes not :D**

**bowl: just an inside joke**

**red: What meds?**

**bowl: I'm within my rights not to answer that :D**

**headphones: why was your friend trying to get in the meme chat at 6 am**

**bowl: She left it by accident in a horrific misclick**

**bowl: Anyway, wanna meet up today? Dojima had to cancel the golden week trip and Nanako is sad so I'm taking her to Junes**

**green: why would you take a seven year old to junes**

**bowl: Shes obsessed with the Junes theme.**

**headphones: oh god i hate the song so much**

**headphones: but im glad at least one person in town doesnt hate junes**

**bowl: i dont hate junes!!**

**headphones: you dont count**

**headphones: ive seen you eat grass**

**green: wHA**

**red: nARUKAMI WHAT THE FUCK**

**bowl: ...**

**bowl: So what? Its just grass, and I had 20 yen on my side of the bet**

**green: istg**

**red: Chie beat his self depricating ass**

**green: on it.**

**bowl: you'll never find me i'm in the shower**

**green: So you're at your house?**

**bowl: >:)**

**bowl: nope :D**

**bowl: byeeeee**

**green: wAIT FUCK DONT CLOSE THE THREAD**

**red: We need to confiscate your grass!!**

<Chat Thread Closed, 12:19 PM>

**c̶̛̛͇̩̮͌̈̇̀̋͌́͂͑̓ǫ̴̢̛͇̖̞̰̦̪̯̫̞̖͎͖͐͐̈́̅́͌̓͌̽̚͘͝m̶̙͉̜̖̭̰͙͑͘e̵̡͈͍͙̞̜͔͓̫̟͗̽̅͊̈̇̿̒͂̅̚͜͝͠͠ͅ ̷̳̣͐̓͗̈́́̇̔͒̓o̴͚̞͑̃̂̕n̷̨̨̛̛̤̺̩͍͉̳̙̦̯̯̥̝̣͚̂̒͌͂̌̀̐̏̐̒̚͘̚ͅ ̶̡̧̗͎̮̙̫̗̬̤̠̭͈̠̗͛ͅb̷͎̹̯̲̯͙̘͉͓̭͙̘̫̬͖̳̤̐͊̇͠ḁ̶̢̹̩̹̘̠̙͇̺͆̉̀̄̈́̿̄͊͆̓̆̃͜͝ȑ̷̺͔̤̄b̶̮̺͙̟͖͑̆̔̏̒̐̚̕į̷̛̙̲̳̦̘̝̝̳͈̤͔̮̀̓̎͛̎̈̑̏̈̿̂ë̸̢̢̳͇̻̘̬͔͓̣̪͉̙̀̌̆̎͊́͛̃͒̾͠ ̶̧̧̧̫͈͔̼̫̩̘͈̥͓̯̽͜l̶͇̓̑͌͑͛̀̍̃̊̎e̸̢̨̢̠̯̝̬̤͆̾̈́̑͗͜͜ṯ̴͔̟̣͕̻̣̯̖͈̭̙̬̩͎͗̃̋͌͌̋͑̽̾̎̎͗͝͝s̴͈̟̥̘̟̜͙͎̖̦̗͕͙̾̓̐̂͘͝͠ ̵̧̡̛̜͇̦͖͕̲̳͖̣̼̼̦̒̑͆͊̋̓̀͂̋̈́̌̽̾ͅḡ̷͙̥̞̙̹͔̦̼̀̍́̌̌͗̀̍̈̆̂̒̚͜͝͝͝ͅͅȍ̸͉̺͍͙͔̤̹͉̹̜̫̬̓͐̌̅͠ ̷̥͙̠͎̟̹̪̮͝p̸̧̧̢̪̖͉̝̈́̈́̀̃̿̈́̔̓͐̕ą̵̬̥̌̎̆̇ŗ̵̗̦͓̦̟̮̯̩͔̻̩̝̄̒̿̑̿͂̓̕ͅt̶̢̨̞̪̼̖̗̩͖̣̣̓̓̽̈̌͌͋̈̊̓́̔̓̋̈y̶̨͉͊̅͗͌̐͜͝ͅ**

>M̸͈̬̝̝͖̠͍̦̞̊̌̆͜͜a̶̧̖͉̪̞̝͕͔͇͚͍̅̈͒̀̌̃͂̅̂̔̅̽̎̋͠y̵̢̪̣̦̘̯͔̬̱̲̭͙͇̮̼̤͂̓̽̐̄͒̓̚͠ ̶̡̨̘̦̳̥̘̗̖̙̻̠͖͈͈̏͊̈́̾͛͋̄͆͆ͅ7̷̛̛̛̼̭̟̩̮̙̭̐͒̔̀̈̒̽̏͗̚̕͜͠͝t̴̢̡̛̗͔̗̝͇̻̖̥̘̙͍͉̔̀̒͑̈̍̎͋̑͆̕͘̕h̸͚̞͈͆͂̽̀̾͒͘,̸̡̠̤̪̙͙̑͆͠ ̷͍̱̹̼̗̼̤̍̐͛̊̏̇̋́͐͒̎̄̎̈͠2̶̢̼̖͖̮̹̯̯̓͜0̸͖͕̰̯̓̇̍̓̽̈͜͝͝1̴̤̟̳͓̻̲̟͎̪͉͔̫̬̜̫̙̭̌1̷̢̛͔̬͓̯͙̝̻̔̔̉̌̓̆̓͊́̋͊́͛͝,̶̝̜̝̺̩͛̋͋̈́̈́̍͛̃̎̅̾͆ ̷̧̰̳̇̄̿̂9̷̧̘̬̦̣͎̋̃̋̚:̵̡̠͙͖̗̤͉̞̰̮͖͎̮̣̅̈͜ͅͅ0̶͚̖͙͖̻̖͈̤̹͉̜̺̝̅͊ͅ0̴̡̧̡̞͙͍̞̮͖͍̖̠͙̪̺͆͂͐͛́̊̊̀̈́͆̿̕̚ͅ ̷̛͙͍͎̱̰̭͍̰̪̺̈́̀͂͒̏̐͂̇͋̓͝A̸̪̰̪͕͚͕̹̼͊͒͐̚M̴̡̢̩͖̭̼̪̩̭͕̾̌̈̓̑̒̍͊̃̐̈́͠

**Minako: Progress is going good.**

**Minato: We found the place where you were sealed**

**P̶̧̧͚̦̰̲͍̤͕̋̋h̵̢̢̠̙̱̣̞̩͓͇̜͈͓̹̆̃i̸̡̹̬̫̻͇͂̓̾̍̔̅̎̾͝ͅl̴̛̛̪̺͎̠̰̏̆̈́̄̈́̚͝ē̷̡̺̠̙͕͖̹̪̞̹͉̻̂͛̄̐̕͜͝͝ͅm̵̳̝͓̖̒͛͊̌͐̉͂̇̏̄̂õ̸͍̂̑͆͝n̴̰̻̳̳̭̲̍͜: That's good to know.**

**P̶̧̧͚̦̰̲͍̤͕̋̋h̵̢̢̠̙̱̣̞̩͓͇̜͈͓̹̆̃i̸̡̹̬̫̻͇͂̓̾̍̔̅̎̾͝ͅl̴̛̛̪̺͎̠̰̏̆̈́̄̈́̚͝ē̷̡̺̠̙͕͖̹̪̞̹͉̻̂͛̄̐̕͜͝͝ͅm̵̳̝͓̖̒͛͊̌͐̉͂̇̏̄̂õ̸͍̂̑͆͝n̴̰̻̳̳̭̲̍͜: Let me know when further progress is made**

**Minato: Yessir**

**Minako: Ok**

<̵̧̛͈̟̟̱̟̙̪͇̟̰̪̜̽̆͗̄͂͂̎̑͂̅̆͠C̷̤̞̭͝h̸̟͚͎̹̼͍͚̔̓́͠ͅá̷̡̢̪͇͎̝̀͠t̵̺̊̍̽̕͝ ̶̢̢̩̱͉̞̜̠̻̹͎̄T̴̞̠͈̝͇̄̿̌͛͗̾̋̌͘h̷̡̠̹̤̺̖͈͚͙͒̐͑̈́͑̒̂͘͘̕ͅr̷̢̪̝͎̟͈̒e̸͕̞͇̊̎̓̈́̽̂͂̓̇̓̕͘̚a̴̲͙̪̯̙̮͔͔̲̘͊͌̉̓̋̾̓͘͠d̵̢̥̞͙̹̯̮̞̳̼̦̫̳́̚ ̸̯̼̗̈͑̈́͛̆̈́̒̅͘͝C̴̮͓̘̿͌̿̊́͑́̏̆͋͝͝l̶̲̣̠̰͈̫̮̖̎̓͋͛̌͜ơ̷̪͆͗͗̋ś̶̛̲̹̻͕̈̌̿͆̾̑̓̄͆̕̚͠ȩ̵̡̬̞̟̼͉͈̱͍̜̯̬͂̇̿͛̿̈́̍̈d̵̺͕͋̏̂̓̕,̷̡̡̘̱̣̭͚̫̤̬̓̏͋̃̓̑̊̍̕͝ ̶̨͙̱̩̼̫͇̰͈͙͔̋͜9̸̧̨̡̹̗̱̜̮͕̠̒̽͋̓̃̾̅̈͑͂̒̋͌͛͜ͅ:̸̼͑̐͛͐̆͆̍̕̕͠0̶̟̺͔̱̝̊͑̽̓́̌̐̈̓͠1̴͙̞͕̤̲̼̈́̌͆̓́̎͑̅̚̕ ̴̧͓̤̹͍͙͖̲͚͇̮͔̊̿̔͂͗̈̉̽͝A̷̧̛͉͖͕̣̪̳̍̍̇̅̋̈́̉͘͠M̶͇͍͈̈̑̉̄̆͑̈͘>̵͉̙͈̱̫̣͍̦̼͕̗͓̐́͌͐̔̈́

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter done!! prolly no update tomorrow so i can finish my yu has low blood pressure one shot! speaking of low blood pressure, thats what the medicine he woke up to take was for, low blood pressure. Thanks for reading and have a good one!!


	8. hatsune miku explodes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And a hop and a step and pdkgjgkfcdjhgjdfh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumikumiku

**live action scooby doo has been changed to fucking help**

**headphones has been changed to smile**

**bowl has been changed to sadistic**

**green has been changed to sweet**

**red has been changed to service**

>May 7th, 2011, 9:55 AM

**smile: partner what is this referencing**

**sadistic: The blend s intro?**

**sweet: whats blend s?**

**sadistic: Shit.**

**sadistic: This won't be relevant til 2017**

**sadistic: New name time!**

**service: What?**

**fucking help has been changed to scooby scooby doo**

**sadistic has been changed to fred**

**smile has been changed to shaggy**

**sweet has been changed to velma**

**service has been changed to daphne**

**daphne: Wouldn't that mean I'm dating you Yu-kun?**

**fred: No Daphne and Velma are dating and no one can change my mind.**

**shaggy: arent shaggy and velma dating in the live action reboots?**

**fred: No daphne and velma are gfs and no one can change my mind**

**velma: imagine shipping scooby doo characters**

**fred: I only named you velma because of the time you lost your tv world glasses**

**velma: AT LEAST I DIDNT OPEN UP A REAPER CHEST**

**fred: i beat his ass at level 14 what do you mean**

**shaggy: that was srsly so weird**

**shaggy: you just had us buff you over and over and made yukiko and i spam heal**

**shaggy: where did you even get that strong ass persona?**

**shaggy: was its name likee srashoa?**

**fred: Yeah, srashoa is SUPER strong**

**fred: I love them sm**

**daphne: Where do you even get your personas?**

**fred: personae.**

**fred: its personae**

**velma: we dont give a fuck what the plural is**

**fred: my psyche**

**shaggy: normal ppl terms pls**

**fred: My brain**

**daphne: No like, an actual location.**

**fred: The void?**

**fred: im not explaining it to you**

**fred: its a wildcard thing**

**shaggy: whats a wildcard**

**shaggy: cmon partnerrr you dont have to be all mysterious and stuff**

**fred: Yes I Do**

**fred: Anyways, I'm going to teach Nanako the most painful spots to hit on the human body**

**velma: to quote yosuke**

**velma: wHAT THE FROG**

**fred: Byeeee~**

**daphne: hey chie wanna come over**

**shaggy: NO HORNY**

<Chat Thread Closed, 10:22 AM>

**miku is so fucking cute**

> May 7th, 2011, 8:58 PM

**rendezvous: GUYS IM HAVING A C R I S I S**

**hop and a step: ?**

**hop and a step: sup kira**

**your precious queen: ^^**

**your loyal servant: ^^**

**rendezvous: sand planet and hitirinbo envy dont exist yet**

**rendezvous: the entire kagerou project doesnt exist yet**

**hop and a step: holy wa hd THE FUCKK??**

**your precious queen: SERVANT OF EVIL DOESNT EITHE R HSJDHD J**

**hop and a step: NEITHER DOES CENDRILLION WTFFFFFFF**

**your loyal servant: wow i HATE this**

**hop and a step: man. we really only got the classics to listen to rn**

**rendezvous: this is homophobic**

**rendezvous: why did music have go back in time too TT_TT**

**rendezvous: cant even listen to my edgy protag theme yet >:(**

**your loyal servant: man minako this is sad**

**your precious queen: sad even**

**your loyal servant: with a tinge of upset**

**hop and a step: no freaky twin shit PLEASE**

**hop and a step: im mourning hitirinbo envy rn**

**hop and a step: twas my projection song djhfjdfhjdfhdjfhdj**

**rendezvous: im going to bed this is fucking awful**

**rendezvous: a TRUE tragedy**

**hop and a step: im going to go get the devil link done with**

**hop and a step: it is SO uncomfy tbh**

**your loyal servant: isnt that the pervy nurse lady or whatever?**

**your precious queen: that one SL thats super weid at the beginning**

**hop and a step: ye**

**rendezvous: ew imagine preying on a teen**

**rendezvous: one with a BOWLCUT nonetheless**

**hop and a step: werent you thirsting over your gun boss?**

**rendezvous: IWAI WAS SEXY AND I DIDNT MEET SKETCH A KETCH YET SO SHUT**

**you precious queen: sketch a ketch**

**your loyal servant: "sexy" man cant even wear headphones right**

**hop and a step: mans prolly has cavities form eating so many lollipops**

**rendezvous: i hate all of you**

**your loyal servant: you also hated akechi**

**your precious queen: look how that turned out**

**rendezvous: I HATE ALL OF YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**

**hop and a step: j,dmn fucking meds areg g rrrooss**

**your loyal servant: and narukami clocks out at 9!!**

**your precious queen: A New Record!!**

**hop and a step: nighttt eveyrfonee**

**rendezvous: night!!**

**your loyal servant: night bitches**

**your precious queen: night whores**

**hop and a step: ok adachi fuck**

<Chat Thread Closed, 9:12 PM>

**exams can suck a dick has been created**

**> yosuke has been plopped in the chat**

**> yukiko has gracefully entered**

**> chie is on fire. literally SOMEONE PUT HER OUT**

**> yu has been here, staring into the void**

> May 8th, 2011, 10:00 AM

**yu: OH MY GOD WE HAVE MIDTERMS TOMORROW SD DJ FUCK**

**yosuke: wAIT WHAT DYFJMD <FN**

**chie: omg were all gonna die**

**yukiko: No we are not?**

**yu: no we aren't gonna die but now like i cant just sleep in class**

**chie: you're asleep in class?**

**yu: yea i wear makeup so it looks like im a happy awake noodle paying attention to morons bs**

**yukiko: no**

**yukiko: noodle HJFHJFHDBjdkfhdjfhjfdhzkdfkKJKFJ**

**chie: yu stop killing my gf**

**yosuke: then how are you always up for questions?**

**yu: i just am**

**yu: i sense them**

**yu: anyway my meds are making me drowsy still so into the shower i go**

**yu: bye :p**

**chie: yu its like ten how are they still kicking in**

<Chat Thread Closed, 10:12 AM>

**scooby scooby doo**

> May 8th, 2011, 6:08 PM

**fred: hey ai does my eyeliner look right, or should i buy a new tube >**

**fred: Wrong chat**

**daphne: No no, I want to see your eyeliner.**

**velma: ^^**

**fred: Sorry, it's kinda embarrasing....**

**fred: I was going to Ai because I need to see if I should smooth it out more.**

**velma: you think we cant do makeup!!**

**fred: No, it's just I only trust like 2 people with my face**

**fred: I'm also not wearing foundation so my freckles are visible**

**shaggy: you**

**shaggy: yOU HAVE FRECKLES GSF**

**daphne: Yu-kun.**

**velma: you have FRECKLESS**

**fred: mayhaps**

**fred: maybe so**

**fred: IT DOESNT MATTER**

**fred: IM GOING TO ASK AI FOR MAKEUP ADVICE NOW HAHAHA BYE**

**velma: GET BACK HERE ILL WIPE YOUR MAKEUP OFF HOE**

**fred: no u wont**

<Chat Thread Closed, 6:13 PM>

**Ai Ebihara**

> May 8th, 2011, 6:14 PM

**Yu: is there such thing as foundation that will never come off?**

**Ai: paint?**

**Yu: no like makeup**

**Ai: no dumbass**

**Ai: makeup needs to come off**

**Yu: fUCK CHIE IS COMING FOR MY FOUNDATION TOMORROW W JFKDH**

**Ai: your freckles are cute calm down**

**Yu: aI YOU DONT GET IT**

**Yu: i dont wanna be cute**

**Yu: i wanna be s w a g**

**Ai: burn in hell**

**Yu: hell is sexy so sure**

**Ai: oh no you went over this with your weird friends**

**Ai: oh well youll live**

**Yu: ai no they cant discover my freckles**

**Yu: ill lose my chance at the gap moe appeal to yosuke**

**Ai: thatd only work on your fangirls and tatsumi-kun**

**Yu: i hate it when youre right**

**Ai: :P**

**Ai: Anyway, lets do a vid call on your laptop, ill review your makeup there**

**Yu: thx!!**

<Chat Thread Closed, 6:20 PM>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chap, school stuff today, there probably wont be an update tomorrow/over the weekend, so just in case, have a good weekend!! 
> 
> i am an ace lesbian and i regret n o t h i n g

**Author's Note:**

> I mostly work on this between fics, but it's pretty fun to write so expect a chapter sometime soon!
> 
> Follow me on twitter for cursed bullshit and updates on fics: @piepanda99


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